The Internet is for Badly Written Porn
by j'ecrive.en.anglais
Summary: The members of Chameleon Circuit are taking the piss on badly-written Cherimon. But Alex and Charlie aren't the only ones who have been written about badly, which Liam finds hilarious, and Edd finds terrifying.


**A/N: I don't even know what this is. I read that one fic where Barrowman shows David Tennant DW slash fics, and he's terrified, and then I watched Charlie's tumblr video right after, and then… this. This is total crack, because I hate RPFs. Enjoy!**

"Alex smiled, letting his fingers trail languidly up Charlie's inner thigh. He-"

Michael was cut off mid-sentence by a well thrown pillow.

"Nice aim." Charlie said, amid Edd, Michael, and Liam's gales of laughter.

"Thanks." Alex replied.

Michael swiped the pillow off the floor, and hurled it back at Alex. "Watch where you're throwing that. I might just go back home without finishing the album, and then where would you be?"

"In our living room, not being harassed by our so-called friends?" Charlie guessed.

"This is worse than Twilight, I reckon." Liam said, once he'd stopped laughing too much to speak. "I mean, if they're going to write creepy sexy stories, can't they even use a thesaurus?"

"I think the problem is that they're a little too fond of the thesaurus, if you ask me." Edd suggested. "Languidly? When has Alex ever done anything languidly?"

"I hate you all." Alex called from the kitchen, to which he had retreated for tea.

"Apparently not Charlie, though." Michael said. "Ooh, I've found another one. And they certainly have interesting ideas about your… _ahem_, endowment. Also, I'm not sure if all the things they are suggesting are anatomically possible, unless you're both a lot more flexible than you look."

"I've poisoned your Coke." Alex said, returning from the kitchen with drinks for everyone. "I just thought you should know that." He threw a can of Coke at Michael's head, and then handed out assorted drinks to everyone else.

"You know, you keep throwing things at me. I think maybe you're trying to cover this up with your aggression."

"Methinks thou doth protest too much." Edd said, nodding as he accepted a soda from Alex. "Cheers."

"I told you all that Kyle Salmon stuff would only end badly." Charlie said. "But no, you encouraged them. And now look where it's got us. Three days behind on our new album, because these tossers won't shut up about bloody cherimon. God, why us?"

"It's not just you, you know." Liam said. The others looked at him in surprise. "Oh yeah, you didn't know? There's weird stuff about all of us."

"I don't believe you." Michael said. "Here, I'm going to search up myself, and there's going to be no fanfiction at all. I bet-"

He stopped talking abruptly, a look of horror spreading across his face. Alex and Liam got up, and went to look over his shoulders.

"Hank Green? Really?" Alex said, grinning.

"I told you. Never doubt the internet!" Liam said triumphantly.

"Seriously, though. Hank Green! How does that even- who thought this up?"

"Ooh Hank," Liam read in a singsong-y voice. "I need you to show me how to not forget how to be awesome!"

Michael slammed his laptop shut, a faint redness spreading in his cheeks.

"I don't feel quite so bad, now." Charlie remarked.

"Let's search up Edd!" Alex said, grabbing his iPad off the coffee table. Ed's grin abruptly disappeared.

"How about no?" Edd suggested, but Alex was already sitting down on the couch beside Charlie, typing away.

"Edd and Liam?" Charlie exclaimed. "Open that one."

"I've seen it already." Liam said. "Not very well-written. There're some sons of admirals foursome ones that are much better." Michael and Ed turned to stare at him. "What?"

"Again, they're not very realistic with endowment." Alex said.

"Oh, and now they've got them quoting song lyrics at each other._ That's_ very original." Charlie agreed. "The cherimon stuff is much better written; at least you have to give us that."

"When I first got my YouTube account, I never thought it would lead to me reading porn starring myself." Liam said, thoughtfully. "The internet is mysterious, isn't it?"

"Yeah, _mysterious_." Edd said, rolling his eyes. "Try creepy. I don't want to think about weirdoes out there, fantasizing about us making out."

"Well, I'd rather know." Alex said. "I mean, if they are out there fantasizing about us, at least we know it's happening, right?"

"I preferred my ignorance." Michael said, a slight grimace still on his face.

A loud knock came on the door.

"Got it." Charlie said. He left the room, and a few seconds later they heard the distinct voice of Tom Milsom.

"Charlie! You are just the guy I need to see. Can I borrow those wigs for my video this week? It's kind of urgent."

"Yeah, sure." Charlie said. "Everyone's in the sitting room, I'll just go get those for you."

A few seconds after that, Tom wandered into the room in which the other four members of Chameleon Circuit were sitting.

"What's happening?" he asked. Edd and Michael exchanged a glance, but it was Liam who answered him.

"We've just been reading fanfiction about ourselves." he said cheerfully. "Got any good recommendations?"

Tom grinned. "Have I ever. Gimme your iPad, Alex."

Alex dutifully handed it over, and Tom's fingers flew over the device, typing in keywords and clicking on links, until he stopped, and poked it once, hard.

"There we are." he said gleefully. "You'll like this. Thirty seven stories, all about the sexual escapades of the members of Chameleon Circuit. Enjoy!"

Alex took it back, a slightly stunned expression on his face. No one else seemed to have anything to say. After a brief interlude, during which Alex scrolled down the page, his eyes widening comically, Charlie came back, his hands full of wigs.

"Thanks, Charlie. I've got to run. Bye!" Tom said, practically running out the door.

"He was sure in a hurry to leave. What's he done this time?" Charlie asked.

"You. Have all. GOT. To see this." Alex said, not moving from the couch. The others got up and crowded around him.

"Oh my god." Edd breathed.

"I don't… and each story is at_ least_ a thousand words." Michael said.

"Who in their right mind?" said Alex.

Charlie narrowed his eyes, and leaned a little closer to the screen. "Hang on a minute…"

"You saw it too?" Liam asked.

"Sorry, what?" said Michael.

"Look there." Liam said, reaching out and tapping the screen. Just above the list of stories, it said 'Author's penname: heyitstomfromaustralia'.

Somewhere far across the globe, a maniacal grin spread across the face of a sleeping frezned.


End file.
